This morning I woke up to facebook giving me this memory. Not exactly the happiest way to start the day.
I don't need to be reminded that we are nearly at the anniversary. Easter's approach has been incredibly difficult. Last year mom was obsessed with Easter, asking almost daily if it was Easter yet. She really wanted to make it to Easter (which because Easter was earlier last year, she did).
Anyway, a rough couple of weeks anyway, and then this from facebook.
School today was hectic, we have one more week before end of school (co-op group) graduation. After running all morning, I was teaching my afternoon class and a friend came to the window of my classroom and motioned for me to understand that she had to talk to me before I left. I assumed it was school business so I said I'd catch her at 3:00, after my class.
At 3:00 I asked Joy to clean up my classroom and pack my supplies so I could go find the lady who needed to talk to me. She was headed outside to let her boys run in the amazing weather we are having so I walked out with her. Once we got out there, instead of the topic being school related, she told me that she had dreamed about me.
We were sitting on the porch of a cabin in the mountains. It was so beautiful. I was in a hammock and you were sitting beside me on the porch and we were just watching the bird feeder. A hummingbird came up (hummingbirds are my special symbol for mom, this friend knows that) and was feeding, It turned to see you, and smiled (because, dream). Then it came over and sat on your shoulder for a bit, then it came over to me, then it flew away. When it left I thought, "Wow, it was really nice for your mom to come see us."
Such a beautiful moment, of course I cried and she hugged me, and then I told her about the FB memory that had popped up this morning and how close we were to the anniversary, and all about how difficult the Easter season is. So then she hugged me some more. No, mom is not a hummingbird; but the picture of her, healed and whole and busy, is so wonderful. And of course her mansion in heaven is a cabin in the mountains, of course it is.
So was her dream because it is spring and hummingbird time (we've seen our first few)? Was it just coincidence? Was it from God? I don't know. I don't need to know. What I do know is that a friend who never met mom dreamed of her- of us- and then took that step to tell me about it when it could have sounded so silly. There is always a risk when you consider sharing things like this. Will the person be offended? Will they be weirded out (why would you dream about me?!)? I'm so glad my friend followed her heart and told me about this, that she took that step and opened up. It was so special to me. The journey of grief can be a very lonely one- even when other people are grieving the same person, we all grieve differently. It can feel like we are the only one still here, still stuck. Little reminders like this, that others are carrying you in their hearts, are just so meaningful.
I want to be more open to taking the risk of sharing my heart when I think of others, even if it feel silly. I truly think that those little nudges to call someone, or send a card, or just tell them, "Hey, I think of you, you are special to me" are important and we can do a lot of good in this world if we listen to them.